“I couldn’t look at it.”
He nodded.
That was all.
We were both twenty-seven.
We had no idea how to grieve together.
Honestly, we barely knew how to survive separately.
And through all of it, Hannah was still there.
Still waking every few hours.
Still needing to be fed.
Still needing to be held.
Some nights, I sat in the darkness with Hannah against my chest and felt overwhelming relief every time I noticed she was still breathing.
Then I hated myself for feeling relieved.
Then I felt guilty because I was holding one living child while thinking about the one who was gone.
Somewhere in that grief, David and I made a decision.
Hannah didn’t need to know.
At first, that seemed reasonable.
She was a baby.
Then she was three.
Then five.
You don’t sit a kindergartner down and say,
“You were born with a twin sister, but she died before you could remember her.”
At least, that’s what I told myself.
David wasn’t as certain.
When Hannah was seven, we were driving home from a birthday party when he said,
“Maybe we should tell her soon.”
I stared through the windshield.
“Tell her what?”
He looked at me.
“The truth about Rosie.”
“Why?”
“Because she deserves to know.”
“She’s seven.”