A healthy response to rejection is to accept the decision and move on.
When a person responds to rejection with intimidation or violence, the problem isn’t the rejection.
The problem is the decision to disregard another person’s autonomy.
That distinction is important because language sometimes subtly shifts responsibility toward victims.
A victim didn’t “cause” violence by refusing something.
The person who chooses violence is responsible for that choice.
Why Victim-Blaming Is Dangerous
After a violent crime, people sometimes ask questions such as:
“Why did she go there?”
“Why was she with them?”
“Why didn’t she leave?”
“Why did she refuse?”
These questions can create the impression that the victim somehow caused the violence.
But being in a particular location does not give another person permission to attack you.
Knowing someone does not give them permission to attack you.
Going to a party does not give someone permission to attack you.
Refusing sex certainly does not give someone permission to attack you.
The responsibility for violence belongs to the person who commits it.
The Role of Responsible Crime Reporting
There is also a responsibility on the part of writers, bloggers and social-media publishers.
Crime stories naturally attract attention.
But attention should not come at the expense of accuracy.
A responsible article should distinguish between:
What police said.
What witnesses reportedly said.
What court documents allege.
What prosecutors claim.
