And the strangest thing about losing someone as a child is that you don’t lose only the person.
You lose the future you imagined having with them.
I wondered what she would look like as a teenager.
Would we have remained close?
Would we have gone shopping together?
Would she have met my friends?
Would we have argued about boys, work, money, family, and all the ordinary things sisters talk about?
Would she have been there when I became an adult?
When I got married?
When I faced difficult moments?
When I celebrated the happiest ones?
There were thousands of tiny moments when I thought of her.
Sometimes it happened because I heard a song.
Sometimes it was because I saw two sisters walking together.
Sometimes it happened for no reason at all.
A memory would simply appear.
And I would wonder:
**Where is she now?**
## Life Continued, Even Without Answers
The years didn’t stop simply because I was missing someone.
Life moved forward.
I went to school.
I made friends.
I worked.
I built relationships.
I experienced happiness and heartbreak.
There were birthdays and holidays.
There were celebrations.
There were funerals.
There were ordinary Tuesday mornings when nothing particularly important happened.
And through all of it, there was a space in my life where my sister should have been.
At times, I searched.
Not always successfully.
Information was limited.
Records were difficult to find.
People moved.
